Whee!

School is going the way it always does.

So is marching band.

This week, my goal is to run 4 miles everyday. To be honest, I don't really notice the addition of the extra mile. My running pace is a little slower, but that's it.

This weekend, I'm going to Florida to visit my Grandpa and Buscia (I think that's Polish for grandma? Anyways, she's my step-grandma...she and my grandpa got married when my mom was in middle school or high school...so basically I grew up with a 3rd grandma.)! I'm leaving on Saturday afternoon and returning to NYC on Tuesday afternoon.

Today I had a meeting at Hillel with someone from Nefesh b'Nefesh (Hebrew for "soul in soul"), an organization that facilitates aliyah (Jews moving to Israel and gaining Israeli citizenship) in North America and the UK. It was really informative. The woman went through the benefits that an oleh (a new Israeli citizen) receives (free M.A., 5 months of intensive Hebrew lessons, money, subsidized housing...things like that).

Basically, what I found out is that if I want to take the plunge and move to Israel, I'll need to first spend a year or two working and paying off my student loans. While I would receive money from the state, it wouldn't be that much. I could qualify for extra grant money when making aliyah if I demonstrate the need, but I would need to make significant progress on paying my loans back.

I still don't know if this is what I want to do. But I know that if I choose this, my future in the US will not involve grad school immediately after getting my B.A.s.

retrospect

Last year, I had a serious case of the sophomore slump. I knew it at the time, but looking back, I'm not sure I knew how bad it was. I think that I'm consistently happier this year...which is good, since it's happening right now. Deep, I know. It's weird, saying, "I was generally unhappy last year. I'm less depressed now." Part of this is because I highly doubt that I was suffering from clinical depression, and having lived with people who have to live with depression everyday, I'm always very hesitant to claim tendencies from any mental affliction. (I prefer to think that I'm the most normal person you'll ever meet.) I have moods, but then again, so does everyone else.

I do think that running has helped me. Running everyday has to lead to more endorphins, or something. Also, I'm getting regular exercise. That's probably a good thing.

In general, I'm massively behind on work. If there's a paper due or an exam coming up, I write the paper the night before (like I'm doing now) or I cram for a day or two before the exam. I used to be so much better than this. And yet, I really do think that it's going to work out.

I'm not as interested in anthropology anymore. I was going to focus on ethnomusicology, but it just didn't work out. Since I decided that I'm going to law school, I decided to not write a thesis. Sure, I need to get good grades, but some of the joy of academic pursuit is gone. I'm generally enjoying my classes, but they're just that--classes. I'm not sure how much bearing they will have on my life after I graduate, and I'm more than okay with that.

The classes that I take in the cantorial school frustrate me. I have a different background than the cantorial students. I can't sing as well as them (I chose violin/french horn lessons over voice lessons, which I think was the smart choice), but I have a stronger musical background (which comes with having played musical instruments since I was 6). I also have a strong background in chanting Torah/haftorah/all of the other scrolls that involve chanting...so the only thing that I am lacking is experience as a choral singer. That's it. It's so weird, sitting in classes with people who will one day go on to lead synagogues...it makes me realize that I could do that. I might even enjoy it. I'm just not sure that I have enough religious conviction to do that sort of thing. I sure as hell don't have the patience...I'll never be a people person. I guess the frustrating thing is that as far as the classes go, it all looks so easy. I know that's not actually true, but that's the way it looks.

I think this means I need to make an appointment with my major advisor/dean of the cantorial school and have a chat. I actually need to do this anyways, since I'm almost done with my JTS major...

I haven't started studying for the LSAT, but I'm taking a (free) practice test in December. I want to be done with all of that shit as soon as possible. I'm kind of afraid. When I was in high school, I had an ACT tutor, but I can't really afford that kind of thing now. I bought the prep books, hopefully they'll help out. And hopefully I'll get good grades and everything will work out. I'm already fantasizing about winter break.

I've been thinking about Thanksgiving a lot...going home, getting to see friends. I'm not even joking, I already know what I'm going to be doing for most of the holiday...all my "free time" is scheduled. This is the first time I've ever really been looking forward to going home. I used to be so proud of the fact that I was so independent, living far from home. That's changed this semester. When I think about grad school, I think about going back to Illinois, hoping that I can get into either UChicago or Northwestern.

But you know what? I can honestly say that despite my procrastinating and homesick ways (and the fact that I really need to clean my room), life is good.

How's that for an update?