stuff that's on my mind

The title is pretty self-explanatory:

1. I need to take the GRE. I should also probably study for it.
2. I should stop doing things solely for the sake of entertaining people, because I am officially a caricature of myself.
3. Running! I should do it.
4. I should unpack, or come up with an organizational system for keeping my clothes in my suitcases. This is more likely, as there are not enough places in my room in which to store my clothes.
5. It is really hard to un/lock my apartment door with my keys because I am a moron.
6. I cannot be antisocial this summer! So far, I have succeeded in this. But I haven't even been back in NYC for a week yet.
7. I hope I do well in my internship!
8. I can relate most things in life to Cougar Town, but I will be judged for this.
9. "Confident in My Sexuality" is the best song, ever.
10. I wish I was in Israel. Like, a lot. Even though I was an antisocial freak last summer. I miss the weather (shocker!), the scenery, reading Hebrew all over the place, navigating the bus system, and learning Hebrew words by watching American TV shows with Hebrew subtitles.
11. The thing that sucks about sucking it up and moving farish from home is that I sometimes feel like I am abandoning my family. Because my parents know that I want to stay in NYC. They are totally okay with this, as far as I can tell, but I still feel bad sometimes. And yet, right now I do not think that Chicago is the right place for me to be, unless I'm going to work at the Jewish Federation, or something like that.
12. Sometimes I am worried that I've stopped caring what is socially acceptable for me to say/do in public.
13. Sometimes I have a moment of clarity and get over myself and realize that I am formulating my social identity, just like everyone else, and that I am a completely normal person having completely normal life experiences.
14. I wish I had a dog.
15. I wish I had two dogs.
16. I really like making lists. I always have.
17. I have always been very neurotic and anal, even as a small child. I used to cry if the spout on my sippy cup was pointing in the wrong direction.
18. I am somewhat frustrated with school because I am not sure if any of the classes I am taking will ever directly relate to a career. The joys of a liberal arts education.
19. Sometimes I am afraid that my fancy degree will be useless in the real world.
20. Sometimes I am afraid that my other degree will also be useless.
21. I feel bad that I am now completely secular, but at the same time I am afraid that people think that I am really religious and feel alienated. I am not really sure where I stand re: Judaism, but I still feel completely at home with my religion. It's a weird feeling of unease.
22. I feel like if I eventually do meet/date/fall in love with a nice Jewish boy, that I will become more religiously involved with Judaism, and I resent the fact that it might take a romantic partner to bring this out in me. I want to love my religion for my own sake, not for someone else's.
23. I am not-so-secretly procrastinating from the fact that I am bored but do not yet feel like falling asleep.
24. I like cuddling/spooning, yet even though I sometimes lament being alone, I actually do love sleeping by myself. I have trouble sleeping when I share a bed with someone. This has always been the case.
25. I still wish that I could fly, be invisible, and walk through walls/things. I will never choose between these three super powers.
26. Even though I stand by every single major life decision I have ever made and know that I sincerely believed in them at the time, I have regretted almost all of them after the fact. Still, I think that regret is a useless emotion, because you cannot turn back time. You can only apologize for being an asshat. Therefore, I am loathe to admit which choices I now regret.
27. This list is only really for me, and that is all that matters.
28. I talk about how I want to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure that's actually true. This doesn't mean I am indecisive, it means that in a moment of indecisiveness, I will say no. I firmly believe that if I actually want something, I will not be wishy washy about it. I don't have time for that kind of shit.

moving right along

Today (Tuesday) is going to be insanely hectic. I have 2 back-to-back finals, as well as a paper to hand in. I have finished studying for one of the finals, and just need to write up my index card. But I'll do that after I do the insane amount of studying that awaits.

To be fair, it's just an insane amount of studying because I'm actually blessed with a pretty good memory for facts and usually just need to brush up. Alas, I lost my JTS notebook 4-6 weeks ago. Even after I cleaned my room/packed most of my things into storage, I never found it. As of right now, I find myself pouring over photocopies of Talmud (Jewish law) pages, marking the sections and highlighting technical terms, writing in notes here and there. The little notes help jog my memory about the content. Hopefully this will help. Then, it is off to writing my Hebrew lit paper! I have 4 pages so far.

THIS WEEK:
Tuesday, 5/11: Hebrew lit paper, Talmud final, Bible final
Wednesday, 5/12: MusicHum final, last day of work, going to the opera!!
Thursday, 5/13: Bible extra credit paper, Columbia Talmud take-home final

Other than that, I just need to pack up what is left of my things (mostly just clothes), throw away the garbage, donate the unwanted clothes (mostly jeans/sweats), and wash all of my clothes and bedding. Then comes the process where I pack a suitcase with clothes and an Ikea bag with dishes and bedding and put this in storage, only to remove it in two week's time, when I return to NYC for my internship.

The end of the semester always feels rushed and abrupt. This time feels much better, since I'm not really leaving. Also, the pleasantly large number of friends remaining in the city for the summer is reassuring. This is already looking to be the most social summer I have ever had...not that this is saying much...

And now, back to my Talmud!

...wow

I have just completed what is quite possibly both the dumbest yet most brilliant act of college buffoonery I have ever accomplished in my academic tenur. That is to say, I wrote a 19.5 page paper in a little over 18 hours. This is the longest paper I have ever written by...at least 5 pages. There was no changing the periods to size 14 font, or anything! In fact, the minimum length requirement for the paper was 15 pages. If the paper hadn't been due yesterday, I would have reread it after some sleep. However, I do think that my paper was relatively clear and made sense...and I also have had an extremely high success rate with the papers that I have completed in the wee hours of the morning this semester. That being said, I hope to never do this again.

I am taking a brief mental break before beginning my Bible term paper (which only needs to be 6 pages and is an extension of a 3-page essay that I wrote for my midterm). In this break, I will go into more detail about what has been going on in my life.

Wind Ensemble has been taking up a lot of my time, even though the Festival of Winds is over for the year...but I have enjoyed this diversion! Lots of fun social events, hanging out...the Fiddler on the Roof pit orchestra is included in this, since most of them are also in wind ensemble...Fun!

Also, I have once again changed my mind re: grad school plans. My current plan is to apply to NYU and Columbia's Teachers College for a masters in arts administration. For the NYU program I will need to take statistics and microeconomics next semester (AND get at least a B...), and for the Columbia program I will need to take the GRE. Since both programs look pretty great, I'm going to play it safe and do both of these things. I'll probably try and take the GRE over the summer, so that I do not have to worry about it during the school year.

And now, an update on my remaining workload:
Wednesday, 5/5: Bible term paper due
Tuesday, 5/11: Talmud final, Bible final, Classics of Modern Hebrew Lit paper due
Wednesday, 5/12: MusicHum final
Thursday, 5/13: Bible extra credit paper due, CU Talmud final

The finals will involve a significant amount of studying, but that is looking much less daunting after having spent 18 hours writing a term paper. Also, I'll have a decent amount of time to get teh studying done. My goal is to finish the Classics paper by Friday, so that I can spend the weekend studying for my finals and writing the Bible ec paper.

And now my break is over...on to my Bible term paper!

nearing the end

I officially have an internship placement! I will be interning for Ma'yan, a JCC Manhattan think tank that does programming for Jewish girls. I'll be researching and updating databases (something the anal retentive side of me takes great pleasure in doing), and generally having a ball. The women who work in the department really seem to enjoy working together and it seems like they have fun. This is good...a fun work environment is good!

Here is my finals schedule that you don't care about:

Monday, 5/3: musichum concert report due
Tuesday, 5/4: ethnographic china paper due
Wednesday, 5/5: bible paper due
Tuesday, 5/11: talmud final, bible final, classics of modern Hebrew lit paper due
Wednesday, 5/12: musichum final
Thursday, 5/13: Columbia talmud final, bible extra credit due

My flight home leaves on 5/16. This means that I will have a few days to get my things in order/pack without having to deal with finals.

I do plan on writing more interesting things here, such as details in my perusal of grad school programs, or funny stories about my life, or...things. But right now, I really need to work on these papers. Cheers!