Awesomesauce

Hi, everyone! I just got home from my weekend away in Cairo. Of course I feel terribly guilty that I went without telling my parents - and now I'm writing about it in public, no less! - but I'm sure it will be fine. Perhaps they will find it in their hearts to forgive me. I can only pray that they will refrain from disowning me, though I can only imagine how badly my actions have disappointed them...

Pfft. As if. I mean, I’m a victim of the Jewish guilt complex, but if I felt bad about going to Cairo, I wouldn’t fucking do it. So obviously I’m not authoring this blog post myself. With me is Hilary, my gracious host!

My friend Sarah is here for a far-too-brief (yet way-too-hot) weekend in Cairo, taking a short break from her awesome summer in Israel.

And right now, I felt the need to add that me + Hilary can never be hot enough. ;) Because that’s just the kind of girl I am. Hopefully you chuckled/snorted/rolled your eyes at that comment. That’s what you’re supposed to do.

So there I was, with my…head buried in two books at once in January, when I got an awesome email from AUC/ALI saying “Congrats, you’ve been accepted! Way to go!”

And there I was, covered in blood I’m fairly certain was not my own, when, being my anal-retentive self, I secured a supremely kick-ass internship at the Jerusalem Post, in January. The Jerusalem Post’s office is in Jerusalem…and Hilary was going to be in Cairo…

Being the super-smart Columbia kids that we are, we put two and two together and came up with an awesome idea. Obviously, I should visit her in Jerusalem! But my class schedule was way too crazy and I knew my parents wouldn’t be too hot on the idea – a problem, as I would be living at home.

As luck would have it, my schedule was pretty flexible—both in June when I was scheduled to take Hebrew classes and in July-August, during my internship. To top it off, I was going to be living away from home, so I could do whatever the hell I want! (Except leave food in my room, because my roommate and I had a cockroach. My bad.) ANYWAYS, my parents weren’t too crazy about me going to Cairo. In fact, they said I couldn’t go. But in a bout of teenage rebellion (shut up, I’m a late bloomer), I decided that I was going to go anyways, and I was going to do it in the least expensive, sketchiest way possible—by bus!

(That’s a lie, the sketchiest way would have been by cab.)

Ugh, yeah. Cabs in general here are mad sketchy as it is. Would that even have been possible? (Do I want to know?)

Anyway, for your amusement (hopefully) and edification (absolutely), we present a list of do’s and don’ts for traveling and living in Cairo! Please place your trays and seatbacks in the upright position and bribe your flight attendant to make sure you get a strong enough drink. Aaaaand….enjoy!

1. Cairo is HOT. It’s in the desert. So bring sunscreen with an appropriate SPF label (I’m an SPF 55 girl myself), a hat (dorkiness is always in style, if it keeps you from fainting), and drink plenty of water.

2. Cairo is not technically an Islamic state, but it is a Muslim society. Unless you don’t mind getting offered large numbers of camels in exchange for your hand in marriage (you think I’m kidding, don’t you), I strongly suggest shrinking three inches, tanning until your skin is leathery, dying your hair black, wearing tinted contact lenses to hide your blue eyes, and when all else fails, borrowing a burkah from your next-door neighbor. Bodyguards are also handy.

3. But seriously, don’t dress like a ho. Even if you think you don’t, trust me, you do. Basically, I’ve been going around in t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers in 90-degree weather. It’s a bit hot, but not only do I now sport a sexy farmer’s tan (well, I always do, but that’s besides the point), but it’s being respectful of another person’s culture.

But you’ve still gotten a couple of marriage offers. Oh, well…

There is being a tourist and being a Tourist. Capital letters are unacceptable in the middle of sentences (unless they are proper nouns or you are speaking German).

4. You must, must MUST know four words of Arabic: la’a, shukran, ma’assalema, and akhwa. They mean, respectively, “no,” “thank you,” “goodbye,” and “coffee.”

5. Bring good walking shoes that can get sandy (no, not in THAT way). Even though Cairo is a huge city (largest in Africa), it’s doing constant battle with the desert. Also, as a tourist, you’re going to do lots of walking. Also, note to the ladies: don’t bring heels, that makes you a ho fo’ sho. (Seriously. Nobody wears them. Be cool and follow the herd.)

I actually have worn heels here once or twice. But the one time I wore them at night, I was walking with my dad and some guy on the street thought I was his concubine.

Yeah, I’m not kidding. Leave the heels at home.

The thought of Hilary as anybody’s concubine is…well, I can’t picture it. She’s too proper.

Anyway.

6. Hone your haggling skills. Be prepared to overpay anyway.

7. The biggest souq, or market in Cairo is the Khan al-Khalili (kh = ch in Hebrew, it’s a hard h. Practice your guttural noises. Oh yeah baby, JUST like that.) Anyways, it’s symbolic of Cairo, but it’s a tourist trap and rife with pickpockets. Go anyways. However, make sure to ask the locals for directions. We did this and got led to a tapestry factory where we got awesome…tapestries for a bargain (more than 50% less than what we would have paid if we had been to an outdoor stall by ourselves), and then to a jewelry store, with similar(ish) success. I’ve read books about outdoor market culture, and I can tell you this: asking a local for help is good because he might be willing to show you the best places, AND he might even help you haggle. I’m pretty sure he then gets a commission of what the shop-keepers earn.

I think we still probably overpaid a bit. But I’m ok with that. It was mad fun. Also, because we promised to tell our friends: check out Omar’s perfume shop, Mohammed Sameh’s tapestry workshop, and Mohamed’s friend’s backgammon and chess-board store. They’re all really nice guys. Tell them we say hi.

8. When a merchant offers you tea, say yes. Otherwise, they get really sad.

A lot of the merchants are descendants of the Bedouins. Tea is part of their culture. So is hospitality. So is trying to sell you stuff (well, that’s merchants in general). Don’t worry, they are nice people!

They won’t poison you with the tea, really.

9. The pyramids. Don’t accept camel/horseback rides. It’s not a long walk. You will be repeatedly offered. Say “la’a, shukran” and keep walking. Don’t look them in the eye. That encourages them.

10. Make sure you know where you’re going. I was really lucky that I was with Hilary the whole time. Otherwise, I would have had to take taxis everywhere. But with her, we generally took the bus or subway, saving lots of money. Also, just in case, it helps if your cell phone gets reception in Egypt…that way you can call for help, if necessary. My Israel phone doesn’t work here and I neglected to bring my US phone…luckily, I was able to borrow Hilary’s Egypt cell phone. I didn’t trust myself with the iPhone.

Staying with someone who lives there already is a good choice. You know you’re welcome here whenever. I love visitors! So do my parents! (Dad will cook you out of house and home!)

Good lord. Now I have to get used to cooking for myself again. Alas. But if you don’t know anybody in the area (in Cairo or wherever), stay in a hostel. They are cheaper and the staff are used to travelers. They will have good advice. Look online to find the best deals, both cost-wise and quality-wise. Remember, safety is important!

And sleeping on the street is ALWAYS a bad idea. The metro stations are much safer.

But if you do, you’ll have a great sob story to tell when you are running for president…

Sadly, Sarah has to leave now to go downtown and catch her bus home. Boo! So everyone, say good-bye nicely and thank her for being our awesome guest contributor…

I’ll take nice goodbyes in many forms. I’m not propositioning myself, I’m just an avid appreciator of creativity.

And now, I depart for an hour-ish trip to the bus station, where I will (eventually) board a 5+ hour bus ride to the border and later a 4 hour bus ride to Jerusalem. But it was worth it, because I saved SO MUCH money…that I ended up spending elsewhere…on souvenirs, not sketchy/possibly illegal things.

Shameless plug time! If you want to hear more about my totally awesome adventures in Cairo (and elsewhere in Egypt…), check out my super-duper blog: http://www.repeatinginshallah.wordpress.com.