This is mildly pathetic.

To quote Austin Powers, I feel like I've lost my mojo, baby. I mean, let's face it, everyone is dealing with the same (or similar shit). This shouldn't be that hard.

I came to the miraculous realization that my coping skills would be better if I was more upbeat/positive. So I just need to do that. Easy, right?

I haven't made any concrete New Year's Eve plans. I'm not even sure I want to. Blech.

On a positive note, I hung out with Roberto and Elliott, my French horn minions. Roberto and I shared some of our "college stories" with Elliott. It was fun. I got some great reactions from them. At least I've been semi-productive with my time these past 2.5 years. :)

alas

I have received no more grades. Maybe this is a good thing. Still, it feels like purgatory (or being trapped in an airport, or whatever). Grade purgatory. At least my grades aren't being withheld because the JTS bursar didn't get his act together and get my tuition reimbursement when he should have...yay for no holds on my account...

Christmas was celebrated with my family in Michigan, as per usual. Also as per usual, it was the perfect amount of time to be crammed in with my family in such close quarters for an extended period of time. Of course, my dad reminded us that when he was younger and lived in a really sketch neighborhood in Chicago, the apartment the family lived in was the same size. He neglected to remember that I have no friends in Michigan to hang out with. Whatever. That being said, Rachel, J.J., and I had an awesome conversation one night, so that was fun.

So I'm back home and done with my brush with Christianity for the year.

On the car ride back to HP, my dad asked me if I'd ever heard of Lafayette University. Apparently his friend's daughter goes there. I told him that Columbia once played them in football and that "they're really French". Hooray for basing my knowledge of a school solely on CUMB halftime shows! I then felt compelled to hum my part for "Stand Columbia", but didn't because it's not that great a song. (Not that's stopped me before: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc)

Anyways, it's my first night back, and I am insanely bored. Save me!

Right now, I'm not so keen on going back to NYC. I'm fully aware of the fact that all of my friends will also be leaving HP and returning to college. But I just don't want to go back. In the beginning of last semester, I was doing so well. School was meh, but I was living a nice, relatively healthy and balanced life. Things then went to shit the weekend before Thanksgiving and as awesome as Thanksgiving break was, I couldn't get back into the rhythm that had been working so well for me before. I've been having nightmares about not being able to handle my schedule next semester and I'm afraid that it's going to drive me over the edge. Then of course, I'm thinking about changing positions on the wind ensemble's exec board, and this one might involve more work. AND CMTS is putting on Fiddler on the Roof and I want to audition for the cast and when that fails, try for the pit orchestra, if they need French horns. But it probably won't matter because I probably won't even have time for the rehearsals. Ugh.

Basically, I feel like I am in over my head right now in school, and I don't want to go back. I've also been reading through the LSAT book...and it sounds scary and unfun and law school sounds like lots of work and I want to run away all Peter Pan-esque.

In reality, I know everything will be okay (and to that LSAT prep thing that keeps commenting, I saw your link the first time, please no more comments!)...I just wish that I had more time in between semesters...blarg.

In short, please rescue me!

WOOOoooOOO

I AM DONE! I would like to forget about that psych final...DONE!

I got a decent grade on my Brit Lit paper! I am waiting on 1 JTS grade and all 3 of my Columbia grades...fun...

I am all packed, my room is relatively clean, I washed almost all of my clothes, and I don't think I've forgotten anything!

My flight leaves at 9pm, which means that I should be leaving within the next 30 minutes, since I bet traffic is going to be a major butt.

I AM SO TIRED. I may have nodded off several times during my psych final. Oops.

In short, I am delirious, you are all beautiful, and if I miss my flight home, I will be one pissed off woman. :)

goals...revisiting and revising

Here were my goals for the semester:

1. Go to shul more

I didn't do this, and I'm okay with that

2. Care more about school

I definitely didn't do this, and I'm less okay with that. I will say though that I do not think I have done poorly this semester, and that this has been my busiest semester by far.

3. Study for the LSATs

I didn't do this...

4. Keep training to run 5ks

I kept this up until Thanksgiving break...

5. Continue my pursuit of awesomeness

I generally succeeded here!

And now...here are my goals for the Spring 2010 semester:

1. Kick ass in school

For obvious reasons. Seriously. I need to attack this semester with the right attitude, of it is going to p0wn me in a very uncomfortable way.

2. Study for/take the LSATs

I am going to start studying for the LSATs over winter break, and I hope to take the February test. My incentive to do study hard is that if I do this and get a good score in February, I won't have to take it again/study more!

3. Restart running, train for more races

Without races to train for, I lost my momentum. I still want to run a half marathon in June! This means that I need to get back up to running 3-4 miles a day...maybe I won't be running 4 miles everyday anymore (that wasn't healthy anyways), but I need to rebuild my strength and endurance.

4. Eat healthier!

This will help my running and my general health. Before Thanksgiving, I was actually doing okay with this, and I felt healthier/better as a result. Therefore, logic would dictate that I should restart this. So I will. It won't be easy or fun. In fact, this might be the hardest goal.

5. Learn euphonium/baritone

I've been thinking about switching marching band instruments. I don't really feel an incentive to come to rehearsals anymore, and I think that switching instruments will change that, because I will have to relearn all of the music.

6. Continue my pursuit of awesomeness/sanity

Obviously.

7. Clean my room/do laundry once a week

This way, it won't become a huge job that I have to do at the end of the semester when I should really be studying for finals. (Except it's not even that huge of a job.)

In other news, I take my psych final at 1pm and my flight (hopefully) leaves LaGuardia at 9pm. Before my final, I have to finish studying, do my laundry, and run a few last-minute errands. After my final, I need to pack, fold my clean clothes that I'm not taking with me, and take out the garbage and some of the recycling...because there is a shit ton of it. I have time for all of this.

I'm really hoping that this winter break is fun and restful, that I get to spend lots of time with friends and family. I hope that I actually study for the LSAT and restart running. I also hope that you all finish your finals without major detriment to your health/sanity and that you accomplish everything that you want to during your winter break.

And now, I really must get back to my psych...

lollerskates

The worst is over! The end is near! Huzzah!

My stress level is significantly lower, which is marvelous. At this point, I'm just hoping that the weather is clear on Tuesday evening and that my flight will...fly.

I want to go home! I miss home shenanigans. I want to go to work with my mom. She is a preschool teacher, and I hear stories about the kids in her class. Apparently they are all good, but kind of weird. There's one girl that my dad and I call Science Girl, because she really likes science. I want to meet her.

Shenanigans had also better involve sledding on Centennial Hill. Perhaps also ice skating? Basically, awesome hangouts with friends. (They will also involve the 13 verse Torah reading that I haven't started thinking about yet.)

And now, to discuss the topic which made me think, "I should blog about something and share my thoughts with the world!"

So here it is. BUTLER. For those of you who don't go to Columbia, Butler is the main undergraduate library. There are also a bajillion other libraries, but this is the biggest. Basically, people camp out in Butler during midterms and finals. I think this is absolutely ridiculous. Then again, my studying methods differ from many people...in that I don't study too much. Since I have so many goddamn classes to take, I try and find classes that involve minimal studying (except for the JTS core classes and ArtHum/MusicHum, which I'm required to take)...and this has actually gone pretty well for me (this statement is pending my Fall '09 grades).

I deal with stress in a few ways: going running and having major amounts of time to myself to chill. In case you didn't notice, neither of those methods involve going to the library. Sometimes I'll bring some books and go to the JTS library after a class. Since I've started work study there and now I know where everything is, being in the library feels very comforting.

Now, Bwog has several commenters who are seriously against people they claim just go to Butler and camp out to make a big deal of how much they "study". Even if that is the case (and I'm inclined to think that this is the motive for some people, in which case, they are huge tools), why the hell do they care?

Butler always intimidated me for this reason: those freaky camping out people. I'm admittedly not a very intense studier. I'm lucky enough that I can do pretty well in my classes without studying a shit ton. I refuse to turn studying into an art form.

Of course, there is the seamier side of The Butt (I couldn't resist!)...that's right, the hookup scene. Not that I would know, seeing as how I avoid the place. Presumably people "study" at Butler to check out the doodz and ladiez. Whatever. This can be summed up by a conversation I had at a party last night:

freshman girl: I need to get back to Butler!
me: Why?
fg: This guy came up to me and started talking right before I left to come here. He said I should come back by 2am!
me: Oh, Butler...
fg: What grade are you in?
me: I'm a junior.

fg: Oh, so you know all about Butler.

me: Totally.

This is proof that I can affect jaded wisdom which fools drunken freshmen. But let's face it, we already knew that.

In conclusion, I'm trying really hard to make it through my undergraduate college career without spending ungodly hours in the library. Though I might have to reconsider, as studying in a library might make me more productive. Because let's face it, there is no way in hell I am going to approach some random guy in Butler. So I think that I will be safe. In fact, I won't want to surf the internet and have people judge me for my website choices.

(If I ever decide that I'm desperate for companionship, I might venture into Butler. But probably not, because they're probably all lame anyways, what with all the studying. Or fake studying. That's even worse than real studying.)

TubaChristmas!

Remaining work (by type):

papers: 2

classes: 2

finals: 2

Hebrew school classes: 2

Remaining work (by day):

Monday, 12/14: 1 paper, 1 class, 1 day of Hebrew school

Tuesday, 12/15: 1 paper

Wednesday, 12/16: 1 final, 1 day of Hebrew school

Thursday, 12/17: 1 class

Tuesday, 12/22: 1 final

Lately I've been so overwhelmed with dealing with the fact that the Joint Program is just so stressful. Granted, for getting 2 separate B.A.s (which is different from being a double major) for 160ish credits is a steal, but it's still an insane amount of work. It's scary to think that next semester might be my most academically rigorous semester of college.

In addition to dealing with school, I need to buckle down and start studying for the LSAT, especially since there is no way that I can afford a class...any of those classes. Also, I might need to look into planning when I'm going to visit the Chicago-area law schools I'm applying to, because I'm not going to be home much when they're in session. My options are early January, late March, and mid-late May. (I'm leaning toward the later, if possible.)

Despite all of my freaking out about my grades, I looked up school rankings and all the accompanying data and oddly enough, my grades are actually good enough for all the schools I'm considering (there are 10)...at least, they will be if I keep doing well. But no pressure. Ugh.

And now for the happy part of this post! Today I went to TubaChristmas with Elizabeth! TubaChristmas (tubachristmas.com) is the most magical thing ever! Now, for those of you who have been paying attention, my main instrument that I play is the french horn (I also play piano and am capable of playing violin, but I haven't touched one of those in years) and mellophone for marching band. Well, the euphonium (both tubas and euphoniums/baritones play at TubaChristmas) has the same fingerings as the mellophone, so I played one of those today! It was a lot of fun. Even though I'm no stranger to celebrating Christmas, I haven't been very exposed to the music/hymns...or so I thought. A lot of them sounded very familiar...I just didn't know they were Christmas songs. Anyways, we went down to Rockefeller Center, registered and practiced in a parking garage (I also bought a TubaChristmas hat!), and then went out onto the ice rink and performed for people! It was really rainy, but still supremely awesome. I'm officially going to try and go to TubaChristmas every year that I can, either in NYC or elsewhere.

And now to finish my paper that is due tomorrow/today.

hrm

My blogging rate, not unlike my productivity rate, has been rather low lately. Maybe I should amend this! And by that, I mean that I want to procrastinate from writing a paper, and that writing here actually helps transition me into my paper writing because at least this is actual writing and not me mindlessly playing solitaire.

(I just stopped to play some solitaire.)

Thanksgiving break was, in short, exactly what I needed. It was restful, but not in the sense that I got much sleep. Because I didn't. In fact, I think I got less sleep than I do at school. It was restful in that I got to see a lot of friends and just hang out. More to come over winter break!

I found out that I can graduate on time, but the number of classes I'm going to have to take each semester is going to drive me crazy. It's still better than doing summer school. Still, I am worried about my sanity. I have to take AT LEAST 21 credits (7 classes) a semester, plus work study, plus my job that pays me money for food/living expenses, plus wind ensemble and marching band. I can already predict panic attacks.

Today is Tuba Christmas! This involves going to the ice rink at Rockefeller Center and playing awesome Christmas music! I will be playing euphonium. A group of marching band people are going. It is going to be super!

Work I still have:

Monday, by 5pm (but really by 2:30pm, because then I have to go to work): Brit Lit paper

Tuesday, by 3pm: anthro paper

Wednesday, 10:20am: cantillation final

Thursday, 8:45am: musicianship final (really, it's just another class)

NEXT Tuesday, 1-4pm: psych final

It's actually pretty decently spread out. My Brit Lit paper is 1/3 done (I have 5 pages written, but no thesis...but everything I've written is going into the paper. Also, I've only covered one of the two books I need to write about...so I have done 1/3 of the work but I have 1/2 of the required content, if that makes sense. My anthro paper is half written (again, I'm not sure that there is a thesis, but this one is far more coherent, because I had to submit 3 pages already, and then I submitted one additional page...both for separate assignments in the class). The cantillation final will require 2 hours max of studying. Psych will require more time, but I'll have all of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and part of Tuesday. At least, the parts that aren't spent cleaning my room. Yeah.

Blargh.